5 Habits of Happy Healthy Long Lasting Relationships

Whether you are here in a relationship looking for ways to strengthen it or if you are single looking for ways to make your next relationship a success, here are 5 habits of happy, healthy, long lasting relationships. The good news is that anyone can do these and anyone can improve on any of them!

1. Practice Self Love
I am a firm believer in the notion that good, healthy relationships start with two healthy individuals.  It's a theme that you will see on this website a lot!  Because, it's true!  The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.  When you are happy and living a fulfilling life your partner will enhance that and you will be able to fully enhance someone else's life.  When you love yourself, you will be able to give your best to your relationship and as a result your relationship will blossom and grow immensely!

2. Say Thank-you
Appreciation goes a long way.  Everyone is busy and our partners (should) help us a lot, usually in little ways like making dinner, always being the person that leaves work early to pick up the kids, does the laundry, or makes you coffee in the morning.  Showing your appreciation with a thank you, a note, or by doing something nice in return.  Relationships are a two way street and they can get into trouble when one person feels like they are putting in majority of the effort or do not feel like their efforts are seen or acknowledged.  And the good news is, this is a super easy problem to avoid while strengthening your relationship at the same time!

3. Invest some time, daily
Relationships are like flowers, I know that sounds cliche, but it is true!  Without watering, caring for, and some uh, fertilization, your flowers won't grow and flourish.  Take those things away for too long and eventually the flowers die.  Don't let that happen!  Give you partner the investment of time each day.  It's important to have small things that are consistent in your relationship like going to bed at the same time, cuddling, taking a walk together, making the other person's coffee all for examples.  These things are consistent things that you do, even on days that you are tired, busy or even upset.  And don't forget to invest in extra special time for things like date nights, sex, and just because phone calls.  Continuing your intimacy on multiple levels (spiritual, emotional, mental as well as physical) is something you will need to constantly explore and develop.

4. Communicate
Oh the c-word.  People can absolutely hate it.

Wait, you totally know that I'm talking about communication right?  Communication is important.  VITAL even.  But communicating is not just about talking, it's also about being a good listener.  Everyone wants to be heard and understood.  Learning how to communicate when things are good will also help you to know how to communicate when things aren't good.

Fights will happen.  That doesn't mean that your relationship is bad or doomed.  In fact, arguments are perfectly healthy!  As long as you fight fairly.  Before a fight happens, talk about how you will handle them.  Does one person need space?  Does one person need reassurance?  Be clear, empathetic, and intentional with your speech, non-verbal communication, and listening.  This is a skill that will take work, effort and lots of practice!

5. Be willing to be vulnerable
Being vulnerable is HARD.  It's scary.  But it is such an important part of being intimate.  Being vulnerable includes things like sharing your feelings, opening up about your dreams, daring to look silly in front of each other, and being willing to say I'm sorry.  Being vulnerable means keeping walls down and taking risks; it means growing together and it also means being able to let go and fully forgive.

These are 5 habits for happy, long lasting, healthy relationships.  Do you practice these in your current relationship?

45 Things To Try If Your Partner's Love Language Is Receiving Gifts

If you want a better relationship - now or in the future - you have, have, HAVE to read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  There are versions for singles, men, to help with your parenting...it is for every.single.one. of your relationships.  It's fascinating ... and it works! 

Now, this isn't meant to get you out of your reading, but you can take a free love test here to find out what your love language is.  And I'm going to do a series of talking about each love language with ideas on how to incorporate them into your relationship, but it can't all take the place of the book.  I promise - the $10 investment of the book is worth it a million times over!

Ok, off my soapbox. 

Did you take the quiz? It's important to know not only your love language, but your partner's love language.  For me personally, my languages are words of affirmation, physical touch and receiving gifts.  My husband's are acts of service and quality time.  (Hey, together we hit all five!) But being able to name those languages and being able to know what each of those mean are two totally different things!  And understanding how your partner gives love best and how they best receive love is vital to your relationship. 

For now, right here, we are focusing on receiving gifts. 

Receiving gifts is one of my love languages.  And before we really studied in depth what that meant, my husband just heard that as "Buy me things." 

I'll admit, I was on this love language thing waaaaaay before he was, but that doesn't mean that I always approached or communicated it correctly!  I would come into the bedroom and 'remind' him of my languages and he would probably think to himself crap.  He would bring home flowers that day and I would beam.  "What are these for?"

"You told me to buy you something.  I didn't know what to get.  But you always say I don't buy you flowers anymore."

Annnnd while the gesture was appreciated, it totally missed the mark of my emotional need.  I was left frustrated.  He was frustrated.  (He bought me a gift right?!)  But I had to remember, receiving gifts isn't his love language, so he doesn't 'get it'.  He's not going to be a pro at it, because he doesn't receive love that way so giving love that way isn't natural to him.  But as long as effort is made, grace must be given too.  So maybe you are the person who says, what the heck does this receiving love language stuff mean?!  

It's not the gift, but it is the thought.  The effort.  For me personally, when I receive a gift it says things like:

• "While we were apart I was thinking of you."
• "I'm reminded of you when I see...." 
• "I wanted to create something special for you because I love you."

A gift takes thought, effort and love to pick out the perfect thing.  It's a visual representation of love!  Again personally, I don't want to just get the flowers, I want to know WHY you chose to get flowers or what made you pick those flowers in particular.  What were your thoughts?  For people who receive love as gifts, a thoughtless gift is worse than no gift.  

If you are worried about your bank account, breath easy.  Gifts don't have to be materialistic!  Remember, it's the reasoning behind the gifts. 

If your partner's love language is receiving gifts, please don't be overwhelmed!  I've compiled a list of ideas to help you!  As a gift lover, I would be over the moon for any of these.  (Feel free to forward this to my husband!) 

1. Everyone knows you get gifts for birthdays, anniversary's, Valentine's Day, etc but do something a little unexpected.  Look up unique love holidays and get something small or make a special dinner.  Your loved one will want to know the occasion and chances are, they will have never heard of the holiday.  
2. Similarly, make up a day.  You can name it something personal with your spouse's name or something more general like 'Sweet Talk Your Spouse Day'  It doesn't really matter what you do, the fact that you wanted to create a special day will mean so much! 
3. Make a set of IOU coupons.
4. Buy or make your partner a lunch and surprise them at work with it. 
5. Pick them up a card while you are at the store and write a sweet note inside. 
6. Make them a custom playlist with songs that remind you of them or your relationship.  
7. Have fresh flowers waiting to surprise them when they get home from work.  
8. Make them a scrapbook of your photographs together.
9. Bring them home something from vacation.  If you are vacationing together, get something and bring it back.  Gift it to your partner as something to remember all of the memories with. 
10. Pick up their favorite treat from the grocery store.  
11. Give them a thank you card and list all of the ways you are grateful for them. 
12. Bring home their favorite ice cream and movie if they are having a bad day.
13. Sign them up for a class you know they were wanting to try.  
14. Think of a date that is significant and get a memento.  For Christmas, I got my husband I got a framed star map from The Night Sky.  It is so cool!  You can put in a date and it will show the exact location of the stars.  For him, I used the day he decided to get sober.  It was a life changing day!  I added the quote, "It's often in the darkest skies that the brightest stars shine."  He absolutely loves it! 
15. Plan a surprise date. 
16. Surprise your loved one with a note on/in their car before they leave for work. 
17. Give them an Open When box.
18. Make plans to cross something off their bucket list.
19. Give the gift of time.  Maybe things have been a little crazy or maybe you've had a fight.  Give them a little package to open where you tell them that you are 100% theirs for hour/evening/whole day.  Then, leave the phones off and just enjoy each other.
20. Purchase a book for them.  Bonus points: Light some candles and tell them to take the night off from kid duties to lay, relax and read.
21. Make them a dinner of all their favorites. 
22. Put their favorite Bible verse, phrase or a phrase that has meaning to the two of you in a frame. 
23. Write them a love letter.
24. Plan a trip to a place they've always wanted to go.  It can be someplace close by like a new restaurant or a dream vacation.  
25. Can't afford to travel (or have the time?) Do a staycation.  If your love has always wanted to go to Italy, make an Italian dinner, put on some Italian music and find an Italian movie!  Cheesy?  Yes.  But TRUST ME! 
26. Have flowers sent to them for no reason. 
27. Put together a book of quotes or phrases that reminds you of them.
28. Buy or rent a DVD to watch together. 
29. Build or make something for the home.  Pinterest projects for the win!
30. Make them coffee.
31. Create a monthly date night box.
32. Fill their gas tank for them.
33. Draw them a bath and tell them to relax.
34. Plan a girls/guys night for them.
35. Cover their mirror with love notes.
36. Pick up your partner's favorite candy.
37. Get a pack of their favorite drink, put it in the refrigerator and add a love note. 
38. Frame a favorite picture of the two of you.
39. Pick out a special shirt, jeans, etc for your loved one.  Tell them how it reminded you of them or how hot they will look in it! 
40. Ask your partner what you can do for them that would be helpful.
41. Give them something to encourage one of their hobbies or interests.
42. Think of a problem they often have and help to solve it.  (Always losing your keys? A key finder would help!  No room for their jackets in the closet? Maybe clear out some of your unused items.) 
43. Create a tradition together.
44. Serve your love breakfast in bed.
45. Celebrate the little things!  Potty training complete?  Ace a presentation?  Do an awesome job staining the back deck?  Celebrate!