Deeply connected couples have the advantage of working things out for the long run. They are the ones who will celebrate their 50th year anniversary. They will be the ones that you see photos of and they radiate love. They are the ones that you think of when you hear #RelationshipGoals.
But is it luck? Ehh. Partially. They met the right person and they said yes. However, it is so much more than that. It's about learning, communicating, and learning to be intimate. (And while sex is an important part of intimacy, there is SO much more to it than just sex!)
So what are these deeply connected couples doing? And how can you learn from it to grow your own relationship into a stronger one?
Here are 5 things that deeply connected couples do.
1. You feel open and comfortable to tell intimate details of yourself.
And no, not just after a glass or two of wine.
When you first get into a relationship with someone everything is new. You can spend hours talking. But there are some relationships that you feel a level of comfort. You've heard when people talk about meeting someone and they say they feel like they've known them all their lives? Maybe you have experienced that! That connection is so important.
Unfortunately, sometimes, it can feel like there is nothing new to talk about. Sometimes, once the newness has worn off you realize that there just isn't the connection you thought. That's ok. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you (or them), it just simply wasn't meant to be.
But for the relationships who go on, you may get to a point where you feel like there aren't anymore layers to uncover. But by being open and sharing intimate things about yourself you are helping your relationship grow. This is a deep level of conversation that helps you to grow closer, build trust and respect.
Intimate details don't have to be secrets or skeletons you keep in your closet. They can be dreams that you have for the future, regrets you may have, things you want to try, or fears that you may have.
Create a relationship that it is safe, comfortable and open to listen to each others' dreams, regrets, fears and goals. And talk about them often.
2. There is a comfort when you are together.
One of my favorite things (and there are a lot) about my husband is that just his presence can calm me. He gives me such a comfort. The saying, 'Home is wherever I am with you.' is so relateable for me.
How can you help nurture this? One simple way is to hug. Hugging is so important! Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, "We need four hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth."
Hugs have been shown to help you communicate, help you reduce your fears, can reduce your stress and make you happier. One study has shown that 20 second hugs can help add happiness to your day and consistently getting and receiving quality hugs can help build a strong level of comfort.
Make it a goal to give one quality hug each day.
3. It's you and them through the good, bad and the ugly.
Relationships are hard. Every single one of them goes through trials and tribulations. But couples who are deeply connected know that at the end of the day, that they love the other person. (And trust me, I have been madder than hell at my husband some days, but that doesn't change the fact that I love him.)
Fights happen and they will happen. There isn't anything you can do about it. But having a plan on how to handle those fights, before they happen can help. My husband needs space to think things through and clear his mind. I on the other hand, need to talk things out then and there. We have had to come up with a compromise, that even if it's forced due to being in the heat of the moment, he gives me a hug, tells me he loves me and that we will come back to it. He takes some time for himself and I let him be. I got some of my emotional needs met through his actions and then I respect his. And most importantly, we talk about it. We both clear our sides of the street, apologize, and really listen to the other person. And we both let go. Fighting fair is vital in relationships.
Fights will happen. But are you prepared to know how to fight fairly? When it comes to connectivity, problem solving plays a huge role!
4. You are a team.
To quote Jack Johnson, "It's always better when we're together." You and your partner have made the ultimate Dream Team together. And just like teams, you have to work together, have each other's backs and sometimes, let the other person take the glory shot while you get a small assist.
By being a team, you approach things together, like your finances, parenting, important decisions that could impact the other person.
Sometimes people confuse this with asking permission, but the reality is that playing as part of a team and making decisions together is a sign of trust and respect. Maybe you and your partner have a pact to ask before making purchases over $100, just to make sure there are no surprises at the end of the month. Or maybe, before agreeing to go out with your friends, you tell them that you would love to but you need to double check your calendar to make sure that day isn't going to be an issue. One person is trusting in their asking, and the other person isn't there to give or deny permissions, but rather, objectively, say yes if it is something that won't cause conflict.
Another important part of being part of a team, is letting each other shine. After games, during the interviews, you rarely see team members blaming each other for a loss. They may say that there was more they could have done as a team or that there are things they are going to work on. And many times, even in a loss, they will still give praise to some of the players. After wins, players will say 'Oh well, I couldn't have made that great shot if it weren't for that great assist I got.' They are great at giving credit. And they are great at letting people have their time to shine. Do the same for your partner! Even in lows, you are there to point out the good. And in the highs, let your partner shine!
Ask yourself how you can be a team player today.
5. You inspire each other to be a better person.
When you are close and connected to a person, you share your hopes, dreams and fears. And the right person listens to those, encourages you and cheers you on making those things seem possible (and fears irrelevant). They don't try to change you into an entirely different person, they just encourage you to be your best you.
And something else crazy happens. Getting all of that nurturing and love from your partner can help you to grow in your self confidence. And when you feel good about yourself, it's easier to practice self love. And when one of you is practicing self love, it's contagious! It inspires the other person. It's a wonderful cycle of love and inspiration.
Love starts with you! Take a few minutes out of your day to love yourself through self care. Give yourself the time to grow as an individual so you can grow in your love together!
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